When I grow up revised
They say do what you love and you won’t have to work a day in your life. I've heard that quote before and saw it on pinterest a couple of months ago. It resonated with me. Growing up I honestly had no idea what career I wanted to pursue. A couple of years ago I still had no idea what career I wanted to pursue. My dream career came about a nightmare. Not your perfect way to have an epiphany and realize your life has led you down this path, but that’s how it happened.
On April 11, 2010 I lost my son after a six-month battle inside the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). A year prior if you would have asked me what the NICU was I would have been dumbfounded. If you’re still unaware of what the NICU is I can describe it as a special place where the most fragile and sick babies are sent to. It’s a unit that most people don’t even know exists. In here you can see miracles happen and you witness the most fragile infants prove to be the strongest people you will ever bear witness to. Behind the scenes are a team of Neonatologists, Respiratory therapist, Nutritionist, Physical therapist, Social workers, but then behind all this is what I believe to be the heart of the NICU. The NICU nurses. This is my dream career, becoming a NICU nurse. I know to some this might seem like such an opposite career choice they would make after having gone through the most terrible moment in their life in the NICU. However, I also look at it as I spent some of the most joyous days in my life in the NICU. I learned so much during the six months I spent behind those coveted doors. Unknowingly I stumbled myself into this career path. In order to be the best advocate for my son I had to learn medical terminology that before hand was Greek to me. De-Sats, C-pap, Rounds, Ostomy bag, Brady, Jaundice, the fact that Viagra can be used for pulmonary hypertension and the list goes on and on. If you’re part of the preemie parent community, it is often said preemie parents deserve an honorary medical degree for all the information they learn while in the NICU. My son is the thriving force behind my choice to follow the nursing path but there are events that transpired “post Joshua” as I like to call my life that have led me down this path.
It has always been in my nature to be a caregiver. I never related that to nursing however. The field never intrigued me. It wasn’t until I experienced the NICU did I realize there isn’t just one kind of nurse and that nurses can specialize in different fields. Choosing to follow through in the nursing field didn’t just happen over night as well for me. The role of caregiver kept presenting itself after Joshua passed away. A couple of months after Joshua passed away my boyfriend, Jonathan became ill. He kept getting stomach pains that led him to being diagnosed with diverticulosis. The diagnosis didn’t happen over night. It was because of my persistence for the doctors to keep testing and find out what was causing these stomach pains did they finally come to this diagnosis. They kept sending him home with antibiotics to cure him yet the pain would pop back up a couple of weeks later. I took it upon myself to try to figure out what tests the doctors could perform to find out what was going on. From my time in the NICU I learned a couple of things. One of them is doctors won’t take you seriously unless you speak their language. I’m not sure why that is but it has been proven true time and time again. We thought once we knew what he had it would be manageable, but this proved untrue. Diverticulosis can lead to diverticulitis we soon found out. This is when little pouches form outside your colon and become infected. In Jonathan’s case not only had the pouches become infected but they also had ruptured. This lead to him becoming sepsis. He had to have emergency surgery to save his life and ended up with a vertical open wound stretching from the top of his breast bone all the way down past his belly button. In total he spent a month in the hospital. When he was released because of the potential of infection his wound remained open and needed to be cleaned twice daily. I had the honor of caring for him for the next three months as he recovered from abdominal surgery.
After Joshua’s passing and Jonathan’s illness the idea that a nursing career might be “my calling” became more apparent. While in the hospital I felt at peace and at home. Being an advocate had become second nature and the idea that I could offer a special point of a view as a NICU nurse started to present itself. I have experienced the NICU as a parent. I know what it’s like to be on the other side having to trust this stranger with your most precious gift. The nurses serve as so much more than caregivers to your precious child as well. I know I will never find a reason as to why I lost my son but I feel as though his life led me down this path. I find it hard to put into words because I feel so passionate about it and furthermore I know some people if not most won’t understand how I would want to work in the NICU after losing my son. But I want to be the nurse that is able to hug a mom and say I KNOW what your feeling right now but I WILL do everything in power to make sure you have the happy ending I never had.
On April 11, 2010 I lost my son after a six-month battle inside the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). A year prior if you would have asked me what the NICU was I would have been dumbfounded. If you’re still unaware of what the NICU is I can describe it as a special place where the most fragile and sick babies are sent to. It’s a unit that most people don’t even know exists. In here you can see miracles happen and you witness the most fragile infants prove to be the strongest people you will ever bear witness to. Behind the scenes are a team of Neonatologists, Respiratory therapist, Nutritionist, Physical therapist, Social workers, but then behind all this is what I believe to be the heart of the NICU. The NICU nurses. This is my dream career, becoming a NICU nurse. I know to some this might seem like such an opposite career choice they would make after having gone through the most terrible moment in their life in the NICU. However, I also look at it as I spent some of the most joyous days in my life in the NICU. I learned so much during the six months I spent behind those coveted doors. Unknowingly I stumbled myself into this career path. In order to be the best advocate for my son I had to learn medical terminology that before hand was Greek to me. De-Sats, C-pap, Rounds, Ostomy bag, Brady, Jaundice, the fact that Viagra can be used for pulmonary hypertension and the list goes on and on. If you’re part of the preemie parent community, it is often said preemie parents deserve an honorary medical degree for all the information they learn while in the NICU. My son is the thriving force behind my choice to follow the nursing path but there are events that transpired “post Joshua” as I like to call my life that have led me down this path.
It has always been in my nature to be a caregiver. I never related that to nursing however. The field never intrigued me. It wasn’t until I experienced the NICU did I realize there isn’t just one kind of nurse and that nurses can specialize in different fields. Choosing to follow through in the nursing field didn’t just happen over night as well for me. The role of caregiver kept presenting itself after Joshua passed away. A couple of months after Joshua passed away my boyfriend, Jonathan became ill. He kept getting stomach pains that led him to being diagnosed with diverticulosis. The diagnosis didn’t happen over night. It was because of my persistence for the doctors to keep testing and find out what was causing these stomach pains did they finally come to this diagnosis. They kept sending him home with antibiotics to cure him yet the pain would pop back up a couple of weeks later. I took it upon myself to try to figure out what tests the doctors could perform to find out what was going on. From my time in the NICU I learned a couple of things. One of them is doctors won’t take you seriously unless you speak their language. I’m not sure why that is but it has been proven true time and time again. We thought once we knew what he had it would be manageable, but this proved untrue. Diverticulosis can lead to diverticulitis we soon found out. This is when little pouches form outside your colon and become infected. In Jonathan’s case not only had the pouches become infected but they also had ruptured. This lead to him becoming sepsis. He had to have emergency surgery to save his life and ended up with a vertical open wound stretching from the top of his breast bone all the way down past his belly button. In total he spent a month in the hospital. When he was released because of the potential of infection his wound remained open and needed to be cleaned twice daily. I had the honor of caring for him for the next three months as he recovered from abdominal surgery.
After Joshua’s passing and Jonathan’s illness the idea that a nursing career might be “my calling” became more apparent. While in the hospital I felt at peace and at home. Being an advocate had become second nature and the idea that I could offer a special point of a view as a NICU nurse started to present itself. I have experienced the NICU as a parent. I know what it’s like to be on the other side having to trust this stranger with your most precious gift. The nurses serve as so much more than caregivers to your precious child as well. I know I will never find a reason as to why I lost my son but I feel as though his life led me down this path. I find it hard to put into words because I feel so passionate about it and furthermore I know some people if not most won’t understand how I would want to work in the NICU after losing my son. But I want to be the nurse that is able to hug a mom and say I KNOW what your feeling right now but I WILL do everything in power to make sure you have the happy ending I never had.