Finally the war was over
Finally the war was over. I had spent the last 2 years in my own personal hell, with nothing and no where to look forward to. Angry at God, angry at myself, and angry at the world for giving me a beautiful gift and then ripping it out of my life. I had cried, I had yelled and I had cursed at God but none of this had helped. No matter what, Joshua was not coming back. Grief had been my excuse, my crutch, my reason to be miserable in life but it had consumed me and I had nothing left to give. I couldn't continue my life like this and the truth was I no longer wanted to continue living but then I had a epiphany. I decided I was going to turn this pain and anger into motivation. There was no other place I felt at peace then in a hospital. The hospital was the place I last felt complete, it was a comforting place, surprisingly. I felt as though a switch went off in my head and I suddenly realized my grief could be used for a purpose. In my darkest hour I had found my "calling"
I actually have a personal blog and wrote about this moment a couple of years back. The point when my "war" finally ended. Of course with grief the war is never really over but this was a pinnacle point where I realized I could use the knowledge I had learned from my experience as a NICU mom and everything that is in my nature to make a difference not only in my life but most importantly the lives of others. This post is a full circle moment for me. Here I am, writing THIS blog post, taking those steps years later to reach that goal.
_
I actually have a personal blog and wrote about this moment a couple of years back. The point when my "war" finally ended. Of course with grief the war is never really over but this was a pinnacle point where I realized I could use the knowledge I had learned from my experience as a NICU mom and everything that is in my nature to make a difference not only in my life but most importantly the lives of others. This post is a full circle moment for me. Here I am, writing THIS blog post, taking those steps years later to reach that goal.
_