See me
This semester has been a whirlwind of emotions. From excitement to stress, feelings of accomplishment and also of failure, but in the midst of all this is a moment that I will remember forever. The moment might seem insignificant. Like no big deal, but it perfectly sums up what I feel I have accomplished this semester. The day happened just a month ago. It's the day I felt comfortable enough in my own skin to no longer wear color contacts. What's the big deal in that right ? Oh but it was such a big deal for me. I have suffered from social anxiety and clinical depression since my teenage years. Back in high school I decided to start wearing colored contact lenses. This served two purposes. For starters I actually have bad vision and needed prescription contacts. I could of gone with just clear contacts but the color contacts actually served a bigger purpose that I came to find out. Unlike glasses or clear contacts, colored contacts hide your eyes in a sense. To me your eyes are the window to your soul. Although you might be able to fake a smile you can not fake the pain in your eyes, however you are able to hide them. Through out my life I have felt lost, uncomfortable with who I am and like I have no purpose in life. I have felt inadequate. I have used my contact lenses as a way to not have to see myself in the mirror and as a way for other people to not have to see the real me. I didn't want people to see the inadequacy and awkwardness that I felt peered through my eyes. I know most people just saw gray eyes but underneath them lay so much more. At the start of this semester in my eyes lay doubt, fear of failure and pessimism. Behind this was passion though. Passion and a drive that not even I could foresee. As the semester started and the weeks rolled by something I hadn't experienced in a LONG time happened. Confidence, pride and worthiness. I found myself thriving in this environment that I had feared. I found myself being sociable and talkative. Quality's that before were foreign to me. Learning concepts, reading books, writing essay's became enjoyable ( to an extant). A month ago I finally was able to feel pride in myself. I stopped wearing my contacts because I felt comfortable enough for people to see me. See the real me. The me that had been hidden and lost somewhere. The me that I am so proud of. A me that I had no idea could be brought out. This is the memory I will carry. When I feel doubt and when I feel unconfident I will remember this. I no longer need to hide myself behind my colored eyes because I am proud of what people will see when they look into my eyes now and because I feel comfortable enough to show them who I am. Flaws and all. My eyes are now bare and I no longer feel the need to hide.